I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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