Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
