He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
