If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
