Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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