Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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