I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
