i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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