i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
