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is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Randomize
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