You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.