I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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