I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.