You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime