I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
