there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.