this beer tastes like vomit already
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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