the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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