Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
