You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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