His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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