Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
