I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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