Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
