Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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