Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
