Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
