At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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