Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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