dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i think my cat just said my name.
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You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS