You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize