The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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