2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
