She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
