don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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