2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
