Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
