Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
