Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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