Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
