yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
