We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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