Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
my poor anus
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
