I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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