I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
