you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
