so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
