Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
try to milk me bitch
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