At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alive.
So much puke
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
