Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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