Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
