it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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