Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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