I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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