I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
