So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
