dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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