You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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