fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
