someone threw a dead crab at me
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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