you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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