This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
