This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
