look no pants
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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