You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
