spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
