We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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