Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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