My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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