i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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