oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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