i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Are my feet made of real feet?
Be still, my beating vagina.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
