I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
