He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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