grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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