he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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