There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
