What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
