So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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