god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
