okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
