talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
